another day

Well last day of closing yay. It was kinda tough, but i managed to make it through. Just need to learn to eat. Found out that now if i keep up the not eating for 3 days i get very dizzy an sick. Go figure cause i used to go days without eating but what ever. Had a very interesting dream last night....Was a kinda dream in a dream. I dreamed that i was dreaming of mom...well kinda. She was saying something to me but i dont remember what it was. But it was more interesting then that cause some how ( dont remember ) but i some how ended up lying on the ground looking at the night sky. An the sky started turning all these brilliant colors. It was so pretty it had brought tears to my eyes. I can only describe it as Vincent van gogh's starry night painting, It was so magnificent to see it form, an i can still see it when i close my eyes. Then out of the sky moms face started to form as well, an then speak to me. I remember waking up in my dream crying uncontrollably. Then for some reason trying to draw an recreate that image. Then i woke up feeling so sad cause not only could i not remember what she said to me...but because i miss her so much. Maybe that was a gift she was giving me, seeing that beautiful sight. Or maybe i just wanted to see her so much an hoped that it was her that i formed her in the sky my self. Its so hard to think that shes gone..... It feels like i could rip my heart out of my chest it hurts so bad. She was everything to me.... I wanted her to watch me as i grew up more as i did things that would make her proud.... I wanted her to be there when i get married an for her to see any kids i may have. I wanted to share so many things i wanted her to be here. I only wish i had more time with her....though i am thankful for every moment i had, every smile, every laugh, every tear....everything. I love you mom an would never EVER ask for anyone different. I love you soo much an with every flower every butterfly..... every rainbow that comes after a storm. I am reminded of you an though it hurts so much am i want nothing but to break down an cry. I do my best to smile an say i love you. Because i know she would want that....she would want people not to be sad that shes not here anymore but to love an be thankful for every second she was. Everything she left behind every seed she watched over an watered till it bloomed. We were her garden an could not have made it this far without her. An thought i say this with a lump in my throat an tears in my eyes.... I whisper to the wind every time.... i love you mom an i am thankful for your life....even though your gone you will never truly die. You live in the memories of everyone you touched an the foot prints you left can never be washed away.