I often wonder if my boyfriend actually loves me or not......or maybe because i love and care for him so deeply i pretend he loves me because im afraid to lose him. He dose things that i say if he didn't care he wouldn't have done them right........ or could that be an illusion to? I Love You are words i have almost forgotten.......never do i ever hear them. Caring words that make me feel special such as your pretty he stop saying those long ago. Or did he ever say that......... i can't even remember. I know when we first met i seemed like the world to him. He would touch me so gently like touching a butterfly. Now he seems to crush the butterfly between his fingers. Is he waiting for another to come a long? or perhaps he has another and just is stringing me along. I have no clue any more. But i remember how good it felt when i first met him. How i cried becasue i finaly knew i was not alone......first time crying tears of joy. Actually first and only time i have ever cried tears of joy. Now my tears are stained with blood and filled with lonlyness and sadness. And all i wish is to be loved again for me. So tired of this so very tired