Time has gone by slowly almost as if to stop but then speed up and before i know it the day is over then the week. Its only been 20 days since mom passed away.......and already its seems like eternity but like it was yesterday as well. Like it was only yesterday i heard her laugh saw her smile.......she really was one of the most important people to me. If i had a question she had the answer. I go through moments where i think of her an go through what you may call panic attacks.......i can't breath and theres a pain i can't even pin point.......my head screams and i feel as if i could rip my hair out from a pain i could not even tell you about. what is this......Could this be heart break? Is there any way to even get over this trumendance torment? This happens daily to me and not sure how much longer i can take it. Everything reminds me of her and i just want it to stop but i dont want to forget her i never want to forget her. And i fear i may forget the sound of her voice, her calling my name, the way she smile afraid i might forget her face. But yet it hurts me so much to remember. I find my self talking aloud as if talking to her hoping she hears me. I will tell her things tell her storys and give her updates of how life is right now. I will tell her i miss her and wish for nothing in this world but to have her back.......but theres nothing that can bring her back short of death. And i am not even sure what happens after death. For the longest time i thought it was nothing just a void something worse then nothing that no words can explain but yet i desperately wanted to believe that you looked down upon those you cared about and watched over their lives wile also being with the people you cared about who passed. if the first part is true then im talking to nothing in hopes of just making my self feel better and she is truly gone. But can one be gone if they live on in the memory of so many people? And if you do can that give you eternity or will one day you just fade away as the memory of you dose. And if the second part is true will death bring me back to her.....will killing my self be an answer or just a temporary solution? Questions in witch i have no answer nor do i believe any one dose. They are all just silly questions that no one knows.......and if they think they do and truly believe in the foolishness more power to them. And i would love to be able to do the same.
Forgive my spelling but each post is written with tears